|
[30 Jul 2006|12:06pm] |
|
I feel so perfect.
|
|
|
[06 Sep 2005|09:34pm] |
My life is at a pretty sad point, right now. Of course it is, because i'm actually posting. I'm having a fairly hard time coping with it. For the first time ever (to my knowledge) i've been cheated on by somebody i was dating. It was kind of accidental, or at least i am telling myself that as to better cope with it because the severity of it is not enough for me to terminate the relationship on it.
The problem is that i was told a month after it happened. And when i was told, my girlfriend seemed like she genuinely wanted to fix it. So she did, for a couple of days. She (i didn't even ask her to) had said that she would never talk to the kid again if i didn't want her to. Sounded like a deal! It didn't even take three days for her to screw that up. On the NIGHT of our six month anniversery, after we hung out all night she went home. She sent my phone a message at midnight saying she loved me a lot. Then the next day i get a call from her dad, apparently she talked to the kid that night. And she snuck out of her house to go see him. She carved her legs up quite a bit and then admitted herself to a mental hospital. Who does that? She didn't call me the day she went in, and she called me the next day. She seemed sad. She has not called me since then (that was four days ago. . .) I'm not going to say how i feel about this because most of the people reading this would probably be mad at me for putting myself through this again. I'm sure you've heard enough ranting from me about previous ex girlfriends.
So i've been trying to surround myself with people. I hung out with amy, we got some burger king. I was supposed to hang out with casey but i was too tired. I've been talking to linnsy a lot. I met a cute girl named kim today. My boss likes me and keeps asking me to hang out with her and stuff when her boyfriend goes to NYC for a few days. I've been calling people a lot and not really telling them what's wrong, but it's hard not to notice.
I wish she would call. I think she is afraid that i'm going to break up with her. If i don't hear from her before she gets out (thursday?) then there's no doubt that i will be. Even so, that's a really immature, irresponsible, and outright inconsiderate thing to do. I think it's probably hurting her as much as it is me for us to not be talking right now. I hope there isn't another reason she isn't calling. I'm afraid she cheated on me again when she went out to see that kid. She said she didn't. But she has lied to me before. A lot.
I'm torn on what to do. I think a lot of it could be my fault, and i'm not just saying that to make the situation seem better or something :/
|
|
|
[05 Aug 2005|05:26pm] |
i wrote a new game.
it is located here: http://lostlife.net/?code.htm.number_guess.reset
it's a simple concept, you guess a number between 1-100 (or up to 10,000) in as few guesses as possible, using previous guesses as a guideline.
lemme know if you encounter any problems or errors.
|
|
|
[07 Jun 2005|11:12pm] |
quote of the day: "after the first time we see one another and just talk, of course. so we can readjust to each other again."
as if andrew was not enough. the person you were in love with and now deny, the one that you said all those pretty things to that you are now saying to me. the one that you know very well you still like to some degree and are most definately still semi obsessed with. is now deciding to be a part of your life again. and you're too weak to do anything about it. why the hell do i deal with any of this. at all.
the reason i did not want to read your notes is because they say the same things you say to me. that really depresses me. i read ONE of them and if i didn't know any better i'd have thought it was something you wrote 'for me'.
i'm not going to bed with your pajamas tonight. i'm going to bed alone.
also i'd like to make it clear that i said "bed", not "sleep". because you already destroyed any possibility of that.
part of me really wants nothing to do with the drama that your life brings. not the drama that it brings, but the drama that you LITTERALLY provoke. everything is fine, guess we gotta go fuck something up! andrew makes me cut myself EVERY EVERY time i talk to him, why don't i send him a message and see how he's doing!
the sad part is that like another girl we all know, you don't give a shit about the consequences of your actions. you are not going to think twice about what you did, who you've hurt. the damage you've done to friends, family, and working relationships in your life. you care little for what you've destroyed. i wish i did too.
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
voidofmind's journal